Building Dialogue

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Continuing our series of posts on dealing with dialogue in hard cases and Robert Sternberg’s taxonomy of hate, we discuss below the “Story of Wisdom” pattern that Sternberg identified as an antidote to hate.  “Stories of Wisdom”  are narratives that emphasize interdependence, identification of a common good, acceptance and tolerance.  They also focus forward, and emphasize “we”, avoiding the division into  “us” and “them” that is seen in the narratives of Cold Hate.

When Michelle Bachelet was elected President of Chile, she led with a story of wisdom:  “Because I was the victim of hatred, I have dedicated my life to reverse that hatred and turn it into understanding, tolerance, and – why not say it – into love.”    Abraham Lincoln’s Second Inaugural Address also followed the patterns of wisdom (“With malice toward none, with charity for all, . . .), as did Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream” speech.

President Obama’s recent speech in Tucson also followed these narrative patterns of wisdom.  Consider how the following excerpts highlight what we have in common, invite change, and focus forward:

But at a time when our discourse had been sharply polarized – at a time when we are far too eager to lay the blame for all that ails the world at the feet of those who happen to think differently than we do – it’s important for us to pause for a moment and make sure that we are talking with each other in a way that heals, not a way that wounds.

. . .

But what we can’t do is use this tragedy as one more occasion to turn on one another.  As we discuss these issues, let each of us do so with a good dose of humility.  Rather than pointing fingers or assigning blame, let us use this occasion to expand our moral imaginations, to listen to each other more carefully, to sharpen our instincts for empathy, and remind ourselves of all the ways our hopes and dreams are bound together.

Stories of wisdom acknowledge, accept, and confront the existence of hate, although they do so in an empathetic way.  Stories of wisdom provide hope for change.  And stories of wisdom stress concepts that are core to a cohesive sense of community – the concepts that all citizens matter and must be taken into account when determining the common good.

Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes is credited with observing that “The mind, once expanded to the dimensions of larger ideas, never returns to its original size.”  Stories of wisdom, when told well, present larger ideas and expand, without confrontation, the thinking patterns that underlie hate. While they may not immediately change any one person’s view, they provide a different path for thought and can accomplish significant change over time. Coherent and congruent stories of wisdom told by community leaders, or introduced into dialogues by facilitators,  and absorbed by citizens, can prevent the seeds of hate from growing.

14 responses to “Responding to Hate – Stories of Wisdom”

  1. […] Responding to Hate – Stories of Wisdom […]

  2. […] can further promote civil discourse by using “stories of wisdom.“   These are narratives that emphasize the common good, accept the fact that differences […]

  3. […] teach the tools that can help citizens actively question the information they receive; identify and focus on common interests;  reaffirm and apply commonly held values; and change the patterns of communication that lead to […]

  4. […] hates and resentments, promotes division, and leads to stalemates.  We can change. By using stories of wisdom that emphasize our interdependence and other mediation techniques in our personal and public […]

  5. […] developing in our private and public communications, we can act to disrupt those and instead build narratives that strengthen our sense of community. By working together to understand our diverse experiences […]

  6. […] of our political discourse is hateful. Recognize those patterns and avoid responding in kind.  Stories of wisdom offer an alternative pattern, one that can help you to both acknowledge the underlying concerns […]

  7. […] reach out and start a new conversation.  Use dialogue not debate.  Listen for and share the stories of wisdom that can illuminate our next […]

  8. […] the issue being discussed. You can also think about how to align your narratives and questions with stories of wisdom and the common […]

  9. […] When planting seeds, sometimes a question with listening is all you can manage. Other times, you will know that you can offer more – planting at a greater depth or with more seeds. When the interest is present you can offer to share an experience, idea, or perspective, saying something like “I have had a different experience, that I would like to share with you, if I can”, or “I understand your thinking on freedom, and there are some other values that I would apply here too that I would like for us to look at together.” Again your phrasing would emphasize the importance of working together, planting the seed of jointly pursuing a common good. As you think about this type of sharing, it is worth reviewing and aligning your phrasing with the elements in Stories of Wisdom. […]

  10. […] or experience with the targeted individual or group, or reframe the conversation using the “Stories of Wisdom” […]

  11. […] the patterns of hate and respond with Stories of Wisdom. Ask your elected representatives to avoid the former and encourage and support them when they too […]

  12. […] judgment, a willingness to review information from many different sources, the ability to defuse appeals to hate and fear, and dialogue across partisan lines both by citizens and parties,  are all important tools […]

  13. […] a lot, and just in your day to day interactions. Call out the narratives of hate, learn and tell stories of wisdom, and work to check and dismantle your own learned habits of tribalism and […]

  14. […] leader and separate us into factions of “us” v. “them,”erode our democracy. It is the stories of hope, which stress the value of community and our responsibilities to each other, that strengthen our […]

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